Burgers

Am I wasting my time?

I am weak. I am incompetent. I have fell into a dark dispair. My strength broken down into pieces. Nowhere to go. No freedom. Caged in. Lost. Noone to trust. Bitterness. Nothing left, but bitterness. I work hard to build my empire and continued to get pushed down to the ground. Nothing left.

If I could have any superpowers, I'd have the ability to turn invisible. It's sad to say it's not much of a "superpower" per se, but if I were in an awkard situation, embarrassed, or shy, I'd want to be invincible. I could consider myself invincible as if now, but then that would mean I'm depressed. Which I'm not, I'm just in search of change. Something new. A new life. Then I'd say, if I could have any super power I'd wish for the strength to not give up and live up to expectations.  But, it's okay. I'll find my way. I'm not sad or depressed. I'm just in search of a new beginning.  I will surpass my obstacles. I will find love. I will find a new beginning. I'm not sad, I'm hopeful.  hōp / noun 1 . a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. " he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information " synonyms: aspiration ,  ...

I'm tired of trying to impress people and I'm sure there are many that can relate. I've grew up to learn my weakness and strengths. People who try to put me down I shove away. I don't need negativity in my life. I know deep inside I'm a caring person, but I also know that deeper whithin myself I could care less of what people think and I can shove people who waste my time to the side faster than I can change the channel. I'm not depressed, I'm just aware I live in the real world and you can only count on yourself. I'm not insane, I'm just aware of my creativity and potention.

Today is the day I started proving myself adult worthy. I would wake up, wake my siblings up, fix my sister's hair, give my brother his medication and take them to school. I would also had to feed the dogs and make the important phone calls my mom normally does in the morning. It is now 8:52 a.m and I have completed all my duties. I'm relieved my brother and mom made it to Honduras without complications. I'm even thrilled I get to have the house to myself. However, it feels a bit lonely. It's nothing to complain about, but it's something that makes you think about how much you miss your loved ones. I need to start taking more time to be more involved with my family now. Not everything will stay in place forever.

So, we're in February now (Obviously. Anyone with a calendar or smartphone knows that.) and I haven't had any great motivation to write. Well, it's not even about the motivation anymore really, it's just been about being a procrastinator. I've started the "two jobs" stage of my early twenties and quite frankly, the only thing bugging is waking up at 4 or 5 a.m. It's not like I haven't done before for school or anything its just, momma likes her sleep. Catch my drift? But, the biggest bug in my mind is probably my mom's trip to Honduras. Now, it's not her first time on a plane or anything it's just all those tragic news reports about failing and missing planes. I literally fear for her safety and my brothers' since they're both going... I'm going to miss her like crazy and hopefully I can handle my siblings, my dogs,  and work while she's gone. It's nothing to complain about really. I mean she DOES need her vacati...

One defect about being an Introvert is the fact that when you're in a crowded place, you tend to get easily annoyed and very unsteady. I can't go watch a play or go to any group hangouts without feeling uneasy. I feel as if I can literally feel the person behind me breathing down my back. Like, dude, back that face off. You're TOO close. Loud noises. Oh my Gosh,  the loud noises people make can be so aggravating. This is why I normally stay at home and watch movies by myself.