Burgers

Maybe I'm not happy, maybe I still feel depressed. But how do I change that? How do I become happy? How can I stop crying and feeling like I don't belong in this world. Sometimes, the days trick you. Sometimes there are days where you feel pretty and happy, other days you feel strong and confident, but today...today I'm feeling insecure, ugly, sad, and useless. On those days I feel like disappearing into thin air. I feel like I don't want to exist. I feel like I should die.  I don't want to think that way, but I can't help it. I'm not myself sometimes. I don't know what to do.

Anger in a relationship is toxic, poisonous, harmful. I become a cold statute with no heart for a split second I spill toxic out of my mouth. Regret, I feel it as soon as the words escape my tongue. I just want to apologize before he thinks I stopped caring. I don't understand why I get so emotional like this. I love him. I don't want to lose him. But is there a future with us? If we keep arguing like this, I don't think we can make it... Am I wrong? To feel defensive and angry? I'm only human, but so is he. Confused, what did I say to make her feel that way? Did I hurt her? I don't care, she was wrong. She shouldn't had said that. She should be more like this and that. Wait, I do care. I just don't want to keep admitting it. I should apologize. Why does she act like this? Like a child... Am I wrong for thinking she's wrong?

Maybe I should just close my heart for good. Its not worth this much pain.

Today, the weather is fine. The clouds are pouring and so is my tainted soul. Tears fall like the rain. Because today I am free. Today, embarks a new beginning. I start my journey as of now. I sit down on this blue bench and review my life over and over again. I have been scarred and abused for too long. The love I once thought was has been freed. She no longer has control of me. I do. I make my own decisions. I make my own mistakes. I will no longer be apart of your dark and twisted game that you call love. I will no longer be your puppet.

Alone I have nowhere I am no one Death Is what I see I what I feel Hate Is what I repress Is what is released Denied All my emotions My feelings Who am I to say anybody cares for me. I feel more alone in this world than the darkness of my shadow. Life is taken from me; joy is denied. A father's love is past due. A lover's embrace is not needed. Solitude.

She walked into the big empty room and stood there...staring. Her hands shaking with crimson liquid dripping on to the floor. Her eyes widen with fear. What have she done? She knelt down to the floor and began to cry. Tears ran down her cheeks as fast as waterfall. Wanting to undo her mistakes, she could not; for it was too late. All she could hear was her thoughts racing. One after another and a loud ringing that would not go away. She was on her knees and holding her head tightly afraid that if she let go her head would collapse. Red splashed on the walls. On the floor. Her in the middle. Him at her side. Alone with her thoughts and his body.

It's sad to say that I have reached this point in life... What is the point in living when you can no longer find happiness. You try to find reasons for why you are still living... your existence. You know you've gone into a dark place when you begin to think about ending your own life.