Burgers

Maybe I should just close my heart for good. Its not worth this much pain.

Today, the weather is fine. The clouds are pouring and so is my tainted soul. Tears fall like the rain. Because today I am free. Today, embarks a new beginning. I start my journey as of now. I sit down on this blue bench and review my life over and over again. I have been scarred and abused for too long. The love I once thought was has been freed. She no longer has control of me. I do. I make my own decisions. I make my own mistakes. I will no longer be apart of your dark and twisted game that you call love. I will no longer be your puppet.

Alone I have nowhere I am no one Death Is what I see I what I feel Hate Is what I repress Is what is released Denied All my emotions My feelings Who am I to say anybody cares for me. I feel more alone in this world than the darkness of my shadow. Life is taken from me; joy is denied. A father's love is past due. A lover's embrace is not needed. Solitude.

She walked into the big empty room and stood there...staring. Her hands shaking with crimson liquid dripping on to the floor. Her eyes widen with fear. What have she done? She knelt down to the floor and began to cry. Tears ran down her cheeks as fast as waterfall. Wanting to undo her mistakes, she could not; for it was too late. All she could hear was her thoughts racing. One after another and a loud ringing that would not go away. She was on her knees and holding her head tightly afraid that if she let go her head would collapse. Red splashed on the walls. On the floor. Her in the middle. Him at her side. Alone with her thoughts and his body.

It's sad to say that I have reached this point in life... What is the point in living when you can no longer find happiness. You try to find reasons for why you are still living... your existence. You know you've gone into a dark place when you begin to think about ending your own life.

"And I looked into his dark eyes and that's when I knew, I was fucked." I guess this is kind of going to turn into a rant. I hate when guys say they're looking for a good girl and then when they have her, don't know what to do with her. Kind of like girls with puppies and kittens. You can't just stop caring and paying attention to them and then decide you don't want them. . . I mean I guess you can, but it's a dick move. At least be honest about your intentions. You can't just Defile them. Get bored with them. Leave them out in the dirt. Forget about their existence. Act like they never happened. Tell them they're cute. Make them believe they're special. Tell them the previous one really lost a good one. Because that's how bitches are made. And no, I'm not talking about dogs or cats. I guess it was a short rant.

I regret everything. I regret ever saying yes to the first person to ask me out when I thought I was an ugly duck that nobody wanted. I regret regret accepting compliments from guys who I thought were just being nice and sensitive over my disgusting persona. I regret kissing the first boy to ever want to kiss me because he wanted to see how it was like. I regret listening to the problems and stressful situations of the guys I was into. I regret ever letting any of them touch me in a perverted manner. I regret enjoying it. I regret feeling safe in his arms. I regret ever meeting him. I regret ever making the first move to get closer to him. I regret telling him it's ok. I regret letting him know I'll be there whenever you need me. I regret having any feelings for you. I regret crying over you. And most importantly I regret ever meeting my dad. I regret listening to him about his days. I regret ever getting to know him. I regret it all.

Am I wasting my time?

I am weak. I am incompetent. I have fell into a dark dispair. My strength broken down into pieces. Nowhere to go. No freedom. Caged in. Lost. Noone to trust. Bitterness. Nothing left, but bitterness. I work hard to build my empire and continued to get pushed down to the ground. Nothing left.

If I could have any superpowers, I'd have the ability to turn invisible. It's sad to say it's not much of a "superpower" per se, but if I were in an awkard situation, embarrassed, or shy, I'd want to be invincible. I could consider myself invincible as if now, but then that would mean I'm depressed. Which I'm not, I'm just in search of change. Something new. A new life. Then I'd say, if I could have any super power I'd wish for the strength to not give up and live up to expectations.  But, it's okay. I'll find my way. I'm not sad or depressed. I'm just in search of a new beginning.  I will surpass my obstacles. I will find love. I will find a new beginning. I'm not sad, I'm hopeful.  hōp / noun 1 . a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. " he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information " synonyms: aspiration ,  ...

I'm tired of trying to impress people and I'm sure there are many that can relate. I've grew up to learn my weakness and strengths. People who try to put me down I shove away. I don't need negativity in my life. I know deep inside I'm a caring person, but I also know that deeper whithin myself I could care less of what people think and I can shove people who waste my time to the side faster than I can change the channel. I'm not depressed, I'm just aware I live in the real world and you can only count on yourself. I'm not insane, I'm just aware of my creativity and potention.

Today is the day I started proving myself adult worthy. I would wake up, wake my siblings up, fix my sister's hair, give my brother his medication and take them to school. I would also had to feed the dogs and make the important phone calls my mom normally does in the morning. It is now 8:52 a.m and I have completed all my duties. I'm relieved my brother and mom made it to Honduras without complications. I'm even thrilled I get to have the house to myself. However, it feels a bit lonely. It's nothing to complain about, but it's something that makes you think about how much you miss your loved ones. I need to start taking more time to be more involved with my family now. Not everything will stay in place forever.

So, we're in February now (Obviously. Anyone with a calendar or smartphone knows that.) and I haven't had any great motivation to write. Well, it's not even about the motivation anymore really, it's just been about being a procrastinator. I've started the "two jobs" stage of my early twenties and quite frankly, the only thing bugging is waking up at 4 or 5 a.m. It's not like I haven't done before for school or anything its just, momma likes her sleep. Catch my drift? But, the biggest bug in my mind is probably my mom's trip to Honduras. Now, it's not her first time on a plane or anything it's just all those tragic news reports about failing and missing planes. I literally fear for her safety and my brothers' since they're both going... I'm going to miss her like crazy and hopefully I can handle my siblings, my dogs,  and work while she's gone. It's nothing to complain about really. I mean she DOES need her vacati...

One defect about being an Introvert is the fact that when you're in a crowded place, you tend to get easily annoyed and very unsteady. I can't go watch a play or go to any group hangouts without feeling uneasy. I feel as if I can literally feel the person behind me breathing down my back. Like, dude, back that face off. You're TOO close. Loud noises. Oh my Gosh,  the loud noises people make can be so aggravating. This is why I normally stay at home and watch movies by myself.

 This year, I've started listening to some peaceful happy-go-music...well, at least for me it is. The point isn't that the music is new, but more like it's a new year and well, you know how technical people can get with words.  Okay, along writing this, I lost myself in between the words..  There was a pun coming along with this as well, I just forgot it.  There was also another song I wanted to share, but for the love of Apollo (Greek God of Music and all that jazz) I couldn't find it. Instead I got the Alphabet song...  Anyway, the song is called  'The Letters- Music ' Good luck trying to find it.  Anywho, without further a do....due...do do...doo doo..... haha Here are 11 songs that may or may not make you feel a bit romantic and happy. 1. Jasmine Ash - Let the Sunshine in 2. These Roses - Gin Wigmore  3. Brett Denney - Lover Boy  4. Oxford - Naked Eye  5. Bess Rogers - We Be...

A true writer writes unconditionally. They write thru thick and thin. They write their bad times and happy times. They right their wrongs and write their goods. They go right when they're left. They're right about their mistakes, because they write it down. They write 'till they can't write anymore. Most of them write with their right hands, most of them don't. The importance of writing is that you do it with a nice font.