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From Career Woman to Stay-at-Home Mom: A Reflection on Change and Independence (Starring: Me)

  If my life were a movie, this would be the scene where everything shifts. You know the one—the protagonist, who’s always been in control, suddenly finds herself in unfamiliar territory. It’s the moment after the storm, where she’s left picking up the pieces, trying to make sense of what just happened. For me, that moment came when I was laid off during maternity leave. One day, I was balancing work responsibilities, QA one one ones, and timesheet reports. The next, I was home full-time, caring for my newborn, managing a household with five pets (including a diabetic cat), and wrestling with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The Unexpected Plot Twist I’ve been working since I was 16. Earning my own income was more than just a paycheck—it was a piece of my identity. It meant independence, security, and the ability to contribute financially to my household. Now, without that steady stream of income, I feel unmoored, like a character in a film who’s lost their sense of purpose. On pape...
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Roads

Panic, distortion, instability. The act in mind of not knowing what is the next step. Where this road leads you may not be the question at all. In fact the question is WHICH road to take. There is so many. There is the road to happiness, sadness and loneliness. Only that with each comes great obstacles and more hidden roads. Sometimes the choice you make can affect your journey. Instead of heading on the road to perfection there are going to be mistakes made...lots of them and in those mistakes you will end up in other roads and these roads are the little roads within your road that takes you far from where you wanted to be. It is really up to you and you only to get back on that road. Never forget the mistakes that took you there and keep looking forward and stay positive. Advice for myself that I know for a fact I will ignore.
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Maybe I'm not happy, maybe I still feel depressed. But how do I change that? How do I become happy? How can I stop crying and feeling like I don't belong in this world. Sometimes, the days trick you. Sometimes there are days where you feel pretty and happy, other days you feel strong and confident, but today...today I'm feeling insecure, ugly, sad, and useless. On those days I feel like disappearing into thin air. I feel like I don't want to exist. I feel like I should die.  I don't want to think that way, but I can't help it. I'm not myself sometimes. I don't know what to do.
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Anger in a relationship is toxic, poisonous, harmful. I become a cold statute with no heart for a split second I spill toxic out of my mouth. Regret, I feel it as soon as the words escape my tongue. I just want to apologize before he thinks I stopped caring. I don't understand why I get so emotional like this. I love him. I don't want to lose him. But is there a future with us? If we keep arguing like this, I don't think we can make it... Am I wrong? To feel defensive and angry? I'm only human, but so is he. Confused, what did I say to make her feel that way? Did I hurt her? I don't care, she was wrong. She shouldn't had said that. She should be more like this and that. Wait, I do care. I just don't want to keep admitting it. I should apologize. Why does she act like this? Like a child... Am I wrong for thinking she's wrong?
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Maybe I should just close my heart for good. Its not worth this much pain.
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Twisted Puppet

Today, the weather is fine. The clouds are pouring and so is my tainted soul. Tears fall like the rain. Because today I am free. Today, embarks a new beginning. I start my journey as of now. I sit down on this blue bench and review my life over and over again. I have been scarred and abused for too long. The love I once thought was has been freed. She no longer has control of me. I do. I make my own decisions. I make my own mistakes. I will no longer be apart of your dark and twisted game that you call love. I will no longer be your puppet.
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Alone I have nowhere I am no one Death Is what I see I what I feel Hate Is what I repress Is what is released Denied All my emotions My feelings Who am I to say anybody cares for me. I feel more alone in this world than the darkness of my shadow. Life is taken from me; joy is denied. A father's love is past due. A lover's embrace is not needed. Solitude.
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